May 2014... Heading into my 10th year of homeschooling and heading to the FPEA Homeschool Convention for umpteenth time.
A friend said, "Have fun!" I said, "If I do it right, I will."
I usually don't have fun. I want to have fun. But something takes over my mind and body that refuses to let it happen.
This time, I
crushed that beast. I felt it creeping in on occasion...
...as I walked through the crazy loud exhibit hall...
It growled.
....as I glanced around at all the other moms that looked like experts...
It clawed.
...as I tried to ignore the thousands of different curriculum calling out, "pick me and your kids will be doctors and lawyers and such!"...
It screamed.
This year's convention was HUGE and it was awesome. It's always awesome. Each year that I go, I head straight to the workshops and speakers that I feel are going to convince me to keep on going. Those folks who have been at it longer than I have and seemingly have wisdom spewing from their pores.
And ya know...it's never surprising...but always refreshing. They all tell me the same thing; the very same thing I have heard all along but have chosen to let the beast steal from me at the end of the first quarter of each new school year.
What I hear is this:
Pray. Pray. Pray....and pray some more.
...that God will draw my children to Himself.
...that He will show them the plans He has for them.
...that He will reveal to them their gifts and talents in His time.
...that He will equip them to do what He has called them to do.
...that I will submit all control of my life and my homeschooling to God.
...that I will not force something on my kids that God has not planned for them.
...that I will allow my kids to share their ideas freely with no judgement.
...that He will provide all that we need to follow where He leads.
But I argue along with the beast that has camped out next to me..."
But it's all on me! What if my kids don't turn out right? How do I know if I am doing enough or doing too much? Am I ruing my kids? What if they end up hating homeschooling and hating me? What if they marry someone that dooest want to homeschool their kids? aaaahhhh!
growling, clawing and screaming
Oh...it felt like the beast had the upper hand at times, but not for long. As I sat and felt the hot, stinky breath over my shoulder, I closed my eyes, inhaled...exhaled...even shed a tear of release
as I thanked God...
...that HIS strength is made perfect in weakness.
...for being in control of ALL things.
...for giving me the gift of discipling these kids even for a short while.
One of the greatest homeschool killers is the
trap of comparison. I know this full-well. I have been so discouraged at times over the years that I was completely convinced that I couldn't make it another day and that I was a complete failure. Many exhausted days were spent in tears.
So-and-so is graduating high school with 2 years of college complete, is going on a mission trip for 6 months, is fluent in 4 languages and has just published his new book.
I feel such a burden for the moms that are just starting out and will possibly go through the same swamp of despair as they allow the beast to whisper evil nothings in their ear. How I wish that I would have let the Holy Spirit do His work, so that I would have realized earlier that...
...I am me.
...my husband is not her husband.
...my family is not her family.
...my kids are not her kids.
...what works for her may not work for me.
...there are no rules in homeschooling.
...God's idea of success may very well be different than mine.
...we are
FREE to be what God has called us to be.
Free indeed. And ya know what?
I had fun at the convention.
Linkin' Up at:
Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers
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And then...Boom!
This gentleman is another that can survive off the land for the rest of his days if he chose to do so. I think he had the skin of every critter from the state of Florida hanging there!
Oooh!
